Secrets: A OneShot
by artsy.brach
Summary: "Severus noticed then, that after all those years she'd grown indifferent to everything: the Dark Lord...having never taken the mark, blood statuses...she frequented with muggles, none did her any good per say, but still, the inherited hatred of the race seemed to disappear. And even her own life...having lost anything worth living for."


**Author's note:** Alright so I have tremendous writer's block with my Hunger Games story :( I feel absolutely terrible that this is being uploaded while my readers are waiting for their next chapter! However, I had to branch out a little, I will be completing my Hunger Games story but I needed a change of scenery if you will.

I hope you all enjoy this one shot. Perhaps I'll make it into a full story one of these days.

**Important:** There will be another edition of this one shot within the next day or so that will be a more mature version. Same story, added scene. Hope you all will check it out :)

Enjoy!

* * *

"_The best way of keeping a secret, is to pretend there isn't one."_

…

**Secrets: A One-Shot**

**By: Gianna Brach**

…

She was good at hiding things: anger, hurt, self-loathing, lovers, addictions.

Keeping secrets was her specialty. As long as they were her own, that is.

When he'd sent the owl, she was surprised, to say the least. They saw each other a grand total twice a year for the previous five years. And every time was just the same as before. They knew enough of each other, but he'd never once tried to contact her outside of their meetings at Malfoy Manor. Not that she'd really expected him to.

She was Eighteen at the time of their first encounter; and desperately in love with Regulus Black. It was a secret however, as the two were cousins – though given their blood status, it would not have been frowned upon. And as Regulus always reasoned with her, they weren't _blood_ relatives. Though _that_ fact was a secret too, known only by her adoptive parents, she, and her lover Regulus.

She was Seventeen when the Dark Lord had killed Regulus. It happened on the first of December; Regulus was nineteen. He begged her not to take the mark the night before he was murdered. She didn't understand, and fought him on it. He knew something she didn't and wouldn't allow her the knowledge.

Regulus was good at keeping secrets too.

* * *

A year after Regulus' untimely death, she stood in the ballroom of Lucius Malfoy's mansion, now eighteen years old. It was quite the celebration – not only the Christmas holidays, but her sister Narcissa was pregnant.

She had yet to take the mark, per her deceased lover's request.

In truth, the Dark Arts had now lost its luster in her eyes, as did life.

During the year between Regulus' death and the Christmas ball, she had fallen into a deep Cocaine addiction after first acquiring it from a group of muggles. She hid that well also.

She watched as her life seemed to crumble before her eyes; the new year would also bring with it the fall of Voldemort. Everything she once knew was falling apart at the seams.

But she held it together. Or at least pretended to, as any pure blood witch would.

The ball was a glamorous affair; she stood alone, poised by the wall, her brown hair elegantly curled and reaching just below her shoulders. Her face was paler than usual, due to her massive addiction, but she pulled it off well telling everyone she hadn't been getting much sun; that grieving the loss of her dear friend was taking its toll. With a gleaming white smile behind painted red lips, she fooled them all.

All but _him_.

She'd seen him before at the meetings Narcissa had brought her to. Aside from their short 'hello's and nods of greeting here and there, the two had never really interacted. His chin length black hair and hooked nose were hard to miss. He slowly made his way across the room towards her.

Reeling on cocaine and champagne, she stood tall with her shoulders pushed back. He reached her then, and looked down his nose at her. She brought her blue eyes to meet his black and neither spoke for a moment. His presence was intimidating, though she'd never admit it.

"I am quite sorry for your loss, Miss Black." His voice was sultry and for some reason the man instantly reminded her of Regulus, sending her stomach into a torturous twist. Perhaps it was the combination of his dark locks and the multiple glasses of champagne she'd had.

"He was a dear friend, thank you." She nodded and looked away purposefully, as though she were bored.

There was a silence between the two, the dark haired man stuck a hand out in her direction, "Severus Snape, Regulus was a good man." She eyed the hand quizzically, an eyebrow cocked. Hesitantly, she brought the hand that wasn't clutching her glass champagne flute to meet the man's. She gently shook his hand and then retracted immediately. She didn't offer her name.

Severus could see the vague image of her cleavage in his lower peripherals and willed his eyes to stay locked on hers. He'd seen her before at many Malfoy functions. She was beautiful, stunning even, there was no denying it no matter how devoted to Lily he remained.

And for the handful of occasions he'd seen her, this time was different. _She_ was different. He realized it as soon as he laid eyes on her. Though impeccably put together and elegant, her eyes held something in them – something crazed and fierce. Severus couldn't place it. Aside from that, he noticed that her milky skin had grown almost sallow, though it was obvious she'd spent time trying to hide it with make up.

But what he noticed the most was how drastically emaciated she had become. Granted she'd always been tall and thin, she now looked as though she could've been sickly. Her once toned body had shrunken so that her collar bones protruded more than what was natural. Her arms and legs were significantly thinner; small bones showing at her elbows and wrists. And he'd bet anything her ribs were far more prominent than considered healthy.

The thought caught Severus off guard and he looked away from her. She was undoubtedly beautiful, but he loved Lily.

The woman before him did not look as though she was grieving the loss of just a friend. She seemed as though her world had been shattered by Regulus' death.

He spoke boldly, "He was your lover." It wasn't a question so much as an accusation.

Her eyes snapped towards his before she narrowed them in horror, "How dare you," her voice was low and as icy as her eyes, "you've spoken all of forty-five seconds to me and already you are accusing me of an affair with my cousin! How impossibly _rude_ of you, sir!"

"I'm simply stating a fact, Miss Black." His voice was just as low as her's, "I _figured_ it out, if you will. You do not seem like a woman grieving the loss of a friend. It has been a year and you look as though you're on death's doorstep. Loosing a friend is devastating, I agree. However, loosing a lover...that is the only thing that would send a witch such as yourself into this," He looked her up and down, "_disturbance._"

She took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves. _I am a lady, I am a lady..._ She repeated over and over in her mind. One deep breath led to another, and another, and that led to choked sobs.

Not a tear fell, but her erratic breathing told Severus he was correct. He hadn't meant to upset the woman, his intention was to merely give some sort of condolence, but once seeing what he'd done, he reached for her elbow. With one quick glance over his shoulder to be sure no one was watching, Severus pulled the witch from the ballroom. She followed willingly.

They found themselves in the grand backyard where the young woman walked ahead of Severus, crossing her arms. Her lip quivered as she reached the edge of the patio that looked out at the lake; the moon reflected off of the dark water beautifully.

How had Severus known? Was it written all over her face? Did _everyone _know?

"Who told you?" She stated argumentatively, not facing him so he couldn't see the tear that slipped from her eye.

Severus hesitated, "Nobody," he spoke truthfully, "as I told you, I figured it out through rational reasoning."

She sighed, relieved, and then turned to face him slowly.

"I didn't mean to upset you, Miss Black." He stated.

Her blue eyes shone with tears; she pulled a cigarette from her black clutch and lit the end before taking a large drag, "Tell no one."

Severus nodded.

She held the cigarette in front of her, "About _this_ either." Her eyebrow was cocked; he'd already learned two of her secrets in the matter of ten minutes.

He nodded once again.

They stood in silence while the witch smoked her cigarette before she stated, "You were friends?"

"Yes." Severus nodded, "I was present when he took the mark." He'd thought their friendship odd at first, given his extreme hatred of Regulus' brother Sirius, but soon found that the younger of the two was far more mature; and tolerable, at that.

She scoffed and shook her head, "He wouldn't allow me to take it."

Severus' eyes drifted her left forearm and saw that she indeed bore no mark, he found it strange as she had been a supporter, though the reason made perfect sense - and added to her absolute devotion to Regulus. His mind drifted to Lily for a moment, and he wondered if he would be in the same state as the woman before him if she had been killed, just as Regulus had...

He shook the ungodly thought from his mind.

She dropped the finished cigarette to the ground and lifted her black gown slightly so she could stomp out the flame with her stiletto. "I must fix my face," she said as she glanced at her reflection in a black compact. Snapping it closed, she looked at him, "Join me. I'll show you Regulus' old photo album...it's in my room. I'm sure you will enjoy it."

Having been the reason why she was currently in the disheveled state, Severus did not deny her. He followed the woman through the double doors and up the ornate staircase. She led him down the long hallway until they reached a white door that she pushed open to reveal the bedroom her sister had given her.

"It's the brown album on top of that stack," She pointed a delicate finger in the direction of her bookcase as she walked towards the adjoining bathroom. Severus retrieved it from where it lay and sat at the edge of her large bed.

The first picture he saw was of Regulus and his brother Sirius. He promptly turned the page. There was one of Regulus and mother and father. Another of he and a few friends: all now Death Eaters. Severus turned the page and stopped: the picture showed Regulus throwing his arm around his cousin, the same woman who stood in the bathroom just feet away from Severus applying fresh make up. It was an innocent picture; Regulus had a boyish grin on his face as he pulled the woman close. But the gleam in her eyes as she kept them solely on him, and not the camera, held a fiery desire. Her smirk was sly. The woman looked all around seductive and Severus caught himself lingering on the image of her. _Perhaps I've had too much to drink..._

She exited the bathroom then and sat down next to him; she seemed to be in better spirits suddenly. She smiled, "Oh this was taken when I was fifteen, Reg was seventeen." Severus was surprised to find that she had been so young, but then again, she was only eighteen as she sat next to him viewing the album. Her domineer and the charm she exuded made her seem mature beyond her years.

She leaned closer to him, her breasts against his arm as she viewed the pictures, a reminiscent smile present on her face. Severus swallowed hard at the feeling of her soft body against his. However devoted to Lily he was, he'd given into his carnal needs on occasion.

But it had been a while since the last time he'd felt another's bare flesh against his own. And not at all out of love, but need and sexual frustration.

However, as the woman beside him pressed against his arm, and her warm breath that smelled of peppermint and alcohol reached his neck, Severus felt a warmth surge through him. He felt the blood course through every part of his body.

A prickly sensation ran from his neck to his toes and the man nearly shivered.

The woman beside him felt the same prickle. Though she blamed it on his resemblance of Regulus. He was intuitive, figuring out her secret affair with just a look at her and careful calculation. Regulus had been good at putting things together as well. His hair was dark and long, just like Reg's, but it smelled differently and didn't hang in the same luxurious curls her lover's once had.

She pulled back from Severus then and gazed at him through heavy lidded, lustful eyes. Perhaps it was the line of cocaine she had inhaled minutes prior in the bathroom, the six glasses of champagne, or a combination of both, but the girl found herself reaching out to push the hair from the side of his face.

Severus glanced up and locked eyes with her. His expression mirrored that of hers as he felt desire pool somewhere deep inside of him.

* * *

"Anotha' drink, yeah mum?" The bartender pulled the woman from her thoughts and she looked up from the bar and raised an eyebrow, "Yes, please, a glass of pinot grigio. The finest you have." The man nodded and smiled before retrieving the woman's drink.

"Thank you." She stated absentmindedly before taking a sip. She cleared her throat and almost turned to look around the semi-crowded muggle pub but stopped herself. _Do not let him catch you looking for him..._

Her hand shook slightly. She was still doing cocaine. Regularly and heavily. It had been mere hours since her last line and the withdrawal symptoms were kicking in already. _Where is he... _she unconsciously scratched her arm before taking another sip of her wine.

Somebody took the seat beside her then. She didn't need to turn her head to know it was him. After placing her glass down she stated, "Severus."

The man did not look at her either, "Angelique."

"You're late." Angelique Black's tone of annoyance was slightly patronizing. Severus tried not to smirk.

"I suppose I lost track of time..."

"That is _quite_ unfortunate, as I have somewhere to be in an hour, and this meeting was by _your_ request." It wasn't exactly a lie. She would be meeting her drug dealer in the exact bar in which she presently sat and did not want her dirty little secret to be revealed. "What did you owl me for Severus?" She asked against the rim of her wine glass before taking a hefty gulp, "Couldn't wait until December, old chap?" The tone of her voice nearly caused Severus to snarl beside her.

"I have no interest in your body, _Miss Black_." His words were spoken through gritted teeth.

"Could've fooled me." Angelique turned to face him, her eyebrow was cocked arrogantly over her icy blue eyes as she spoke the sarcastic words.

The statement infuriated Severus, only because it was somewhat true; the only interaction the two really shared were their passionate affairs at the Malfoy's balls, in which the _only_ interest he had was in her body. But instead of lashing out at the now twenty-three year old woman, he simply sighed, unable to deny the deep interest in her body he truly had and hated to admit to himself. The bartender asked for his drink then; his lips began to form the word 'Firewhiskey' but Angelique spoke first, "The gentleman here will have a Jack on the rocks, please." Her voice was practically a purr and the bartender seemed to swoon for a moment before nodding. His eyes darted between the two of them, undoubtedly wondering if they were _together_. He turned away.

"This is a _muggle_ pub Severus," Angelique rolled her eyes, "you ask for Firewhiskey and he will have no idea as to what you are speaking of."

Severus nodded and the two were silent until his drink was placed in front of him. "I have...nobody," His voice was low and Angelique didn't even know he was speaking to her at first, "to talk to..."

"And it's _my_ fault you've isolated yourself so?" She continued to keep her eyes trained ahead of her, counting the bottles of liquor. "_This_ is why you've torn me from my busy life? To _talk_?" Another sip of wine. "I must be honest Severus, given our encounters...I never took you as one for conversation." Her sarcastic words alluded to their few and far between passionate nights together and Severus smirked a little.

He became serious once more, "You're still on it, aren't you?"

Angelique's eyes widened for the smallest fraction of a second and she snapped her head in his direction. His gaze was nothing but emotionless. She recovered quickly and finished her wine in a final sip before signaling the bartender to fetch her another, "I haven't the faintest idea as to what you are referring to."

"Don't you?" His eyebrow was raised.

Her eyes narrowed, "_No_. I _don't._"

Silence, for a brief moment, ensued.

"I've known, quite a while now actually," his tone was casual, he took a sip of his drink, "my father had a friend. He was a muggle as well and-"

"If you asked me here so that we could have _story time-_"

"He and my father would stay up late, I wasn't allowed in the den after seven, while he was there." Severus continued his tale as if Angelique hadn't spoken, "I stood at the bottom of the stairs one night and watched them sniff something off the coffee table. I, being a child, assumed it was _sugar_..." Angelique rolled her eyes at the naivety of a young Severus. "I asked my father the next morning what it was and, well...we don't need to go any further."

Angelique began searching the room for a distraction, anything to end the conversation. He knew. But how, she had no clue.

"The bottom line, Angelique, is that I know what you do..."

Angelique swallowed hard but put on a steely expression, "And you're here to try and stop me, yeah?"

Severus slowly shook his head, "No, I'm not. I'm here to tell you...I know you better than you believe, Miss Black. And you know me far better than I care to admit. As much to my _dismay_ it is for me to say this...you are...the closest thing to a friend I have."

Something tugged at Angelique's heartstrings; she had no real friends anymore and had never once considered Severus as anything close to. But when she thought about it, he _was_ her only friend – as twisted as their friendship may be. She relied on him to be at the Malfoy's parties. She knew he'd loved Lily, and she was the only to know. Just as he was the only one who knew of her devotion to Regulus. He knew she was adopted, as he'd put it together three years ago and confronted her on the matter.

He knew she did cocaine.

He knew all of her secrets and the mere thought chilled her.

She stared at her wine glass, her voice almost a whisper, "How did you find out?"

"Our first night..._together_ at the manor."

_Oh dear God, he's known all this time?_

"You were in the bathroom, redressing afterward and I saw a razor blade on the dresser." He paused for a moment, "I knew it couldn't be for self mutilation..."

Some small form of relief coursed through Angelique and it puzzled her as to why. Of course the blade had not been for self mutilation, the thought disgusted her. But it was the sheer fact that his opinion of her counted so much that surprised her the most.

This had not been how she thought the evening would progress.

"So," Angelique stated after a small pause, "what have you to say?" Her appearance was cool and collected, but her voice was strained.

Severus stared at her for a moment. He wasn't exactly sure _what_ he had to say. All he'd known was that he was tired of being alone. Tired of living his double life between his old Death Eater friends and Dumbledore's acquaintances; having no one to share any sort of casual conversation with. Tired of all his secrets.

He'd been sitting in his office one week prior to their meeting reflecting on the turn his life had taken and for a brief moment his thoughts flitted to Angelique. She knew more of him than anyone else; and they only saw each other twice a year.

He'd gone so long with no one to really talk to, eleven years, if he was being honest with himself. Not since he'd been close with Lily. Severus looked at the woman sitting beside him and realized they weren't much different than each other. She was a tortured soul; tortured by the death of her love, never having really moved on. Severus knew he hadn't been her only lover since Regulus' death, and he didn't expect to be. She took solace in ignoring the pain she carried. Whether the means was drugs, alcohol or men, she prevailed. She lived on though her heart was broken.

Severus noticed then, that after all those years she'd grown indifferent to everything: the Dark Lord – having never taken the mark, blood statuses – she frequented with muggles, none did her any _good_ per say, but still, the inherited hatred of the race seemed to disappear. And even her own life – having lost anything worth living for.

But still, she survived.

And Severus admired her for it. She was strong; stronger than the frail, cocaine-weakened body she inhabited, stronger – in a way – than Voldemort, even. And it was because she had loved, with all her heart and her soul, she had loved a man and never stopped.

Angelique watched as Severus continued to gaze at her. A thought wandered into the forefront of her brain for a moment; what if, perhaps, she had not loved Regulus? Would she have fallen for the man before her? Would they ever have found themselves under the sheets of her bed at Malfoy Manor that one Christmas so long ago under different circumstances?

She sized up the man then, she'd watched him grow from a lanky teen into a suitable young man. His hair and nose remained just the same as they had the first night they shook hands but his face was more mature, and more handsome than she had once thought it.

Suppose she had loved Severus Snape, a man who knew all of her secrets, what would have become of her? He was a good man, she knew this to be true. But he, like her, loved another and their interactions solely remained at a strictly sexual level. Until now, it seemed.

Suddenly, without warning, Angelique felt her stomach churn under his gaze. The sensation startled her, having only experienced it once before – when Regulus first told her he loved her. She set aside the thought and ignored the fiery feeling arising in the pit of her hardened heart.

"What have you to say, Severus?" Angelique questioned once more, as a distraction.

"Absolutely nothing of importance." His voice droned and Angelique found herself smiling. It was just as he said, he'd come here to _talk_. To talk as friends do.

And so they talked. They talked about life, about love, and about friendship.

Severus would forever remain just another one of her secrets.

* * *

**End Note:** So what did you think? I'm considering making it into a full story, I have a few more ideas.

Review please!


End file.
